my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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