Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize