She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
