the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
