got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
