Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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