conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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