The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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