Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
