we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize