no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
