I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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