I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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