ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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