Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
