you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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