Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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