I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
