Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
