i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
