We won't sleep together?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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