Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
