Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
