so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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