i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize