Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My breasts were aching with rage.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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