Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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