Duck Duck Cougar?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
