brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
