I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
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I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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