I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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