Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
