Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Two words: blizzard sex
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
