Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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