i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
