I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
