Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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