Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
