I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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