i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
vagina is talking i cant
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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