There is no way he is gay with that hair.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
