I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
