Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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