Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
