she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
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Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
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Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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