How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
