the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
