Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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