Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
