So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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