Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
