Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
