i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
