I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
