i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
