he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
