Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
