So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
