I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
