Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
