I hate your face
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
