I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
