Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
