He uses pillows to masturbate.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
