Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
